Before I write this post I want to say how hard it has been to write this. At some stages I even put myself down and told myself it wasn’t big or valid enough, as I started typing I realised how bad things were and how much I suppressed them because of his past manipulation.
I was 16 about to turn 17 and I had met someone on tinder who I genuinely thought was perfect for me, we got on like a house on fire and I genuinely thought we were going to be together forever… he was so caring and went above and beyond to see me and posted about me all of the time
Then the cracks began to slip and I ignored the red flags.
At this time in my life I had extreme abandonment issues, anxiety and depression. I was extremely attached and wasn’t happy within myself.
It all began at the night of his mums wedding. Me and his friends/family were mocking him in a lighthearted way and he stormed off. I went to check on him and he was having a go at me. I told him I’m going back downstairs as he was being horrible and he grabbed my arm leaving a handprint, and called me a fucking bitch.
Other red flags…
– seemed to gleam when I had an argument or falling out with a friend
– accidentally left my Facebook logged in, he looked through all of my messages with the opposite sex.
– when he was over at my house with my friends he would go in a funny mood and make them uncomfortable, he then once stormed into my room and threw my chair over and cried. Just because my best friend was hanging with me. I’ve never told anyone about this but it made my friend immediately leave in a scared manner and he never wanted to spend time with my ex again.
– would constantly accuse me of cheating on him with one of my college friends (there was 0 reasons why)
– would do things to get a negative reaction from me, like purposely not compliment or say something to make me jealous or upset.
– he liked to scare me, one of my biggest fears is choking to death and he constantly did it to the point where I’d panic, just to see my reaction and laugh at me. This is another sign that honestly seems strange from an outsiders point of view, but is fitting.
⁃ he constantly cancelled plans on me, sometimes to just go on games with his friends online. Or because he felt ‘sad’. When I confronted him and told him it’s so out of order; especially as he would do it last minute he manipulated and gaslighted me so much.
⁃ He would call me selfish; say I was horrible because he can’t speak to his friends because of me. That I was trying to isolate him.
As time went on I clinged onto him for 2 years in what felt like a forced relationship. Any little good thing he would do I would cling onto and constantly remind myself.
It was a vicious battle in my head of debating whether to end the relationship but I was too scared, scared of how I would react.
It’s funny because when watching TV i used to scream at the girls shouting , get away, dump him. But when you’re in that situation you downplay everything they do. Even typing this now I feel as though my story isn’t valid enough.
The last 3 months of the relationship:
In the last couple of months before I finally snapped and ended it, things escalated. He started being more physically abusive such as hitting me with a top for rinsing my hair, or punching my leg to get attention. This was excused as ‘play fighting’ and I was manipulated to believe that.
I got back with him and then a month later I was having fun and laughing which lead to me knocking his arm and he spilt a drink on his graphic tablet. He stood up, pushed me really hard and I almost went into a bookcase and he called me a stupid fucking bitch. The end of the relationship is a blur but it ended with me snapping one day and just ending it, after he called me a psycho despite blanking me all day.
it was a slow and frustrating torture of me trying to get him to give me love and effort which quite frankly I don’t think he’s capable of.
Since then I’ve been to counselling and been put on anti depressants, and I’m truly the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
If you can take anything out of this I hope it encourages you to spot red flags sooner and please try not to excuse them. I’m not sure how to end this post but if you’re experiencing anything like this please talk to someone, even me & get the right help for you.